Off The Ledge

I remember this one time I was sitting up at my rooftop with my legs hanging off the ledge and a joint in my mouth. It really was peaceful, that trip. The air was breezy and cool and the high complimented it well. But it was at that moment when my mind fell into deep contemplation. What if I just jumped off the ledge? I had nothing to lose. I was a 17 year old kid, a disappointment to my family for liking to enjoy a good trip and not giving a fuck about what my parents said to me. It seems childish to me now this incident but there was a time when I hated myself so much that I actually wanted to just let it all go. To become free from all my bonds and just pass into nothingness. It all seems childish to me now but there was a time I thought suicide would save my life rather than breaking it. It was after my grandfather had passed, after I’d lost an immediate family member that I realized that my problems weren’t problems at all. That my life was pretty precious to not just me but to all my family. Suicide seemed like an angel back then. But life’s taught me better. And I can finally get off that ledge without ever wanting to think about flinging myself off it. I’ve found my will to live.

m.A.A.d city

Jeffrey never was the kinda guy who’d throw up gang signs and rep colors. He was the shy kid on the block, never spoke much, never interacted beyond a certain level and sure as hell didn’t resort to violence when situations seemed to get out of hand. He’d always had a way with words.

Jeffrey never sought vengeance on anybody for any reason at all. He was the peaceful kind, the one who believed in compromise and dialogue as opposed to brute force.

Jeffrey loved his parents and would ride or die for them, under any circumstances. He’d been groomed in a manner that was only fitting for any child to receive and had always made his parents proud, be it academics, extracurriculars and so on and so forth.

Jeffrey was never the kinda guy who’d go out a lot and do things he knew he shouldn’t be doing.

But Jeffrey never knew that the death of his parents might change all his values in an instant.

Jeffrey never knew that throwing up gang signs and repping colors was the only way to keep your family truly safe, in this place they called home.

Jeffrey never knew that sobriety was a long lost concept. Inebriation was the new reality of the neighborhood he’d grown up in.

Jeffrey never knew that violence would provide his conscience a serenity that he’d never experienced before.

Jeffrey never knew that one day, eventually everyone falls prey to the m.A.A.d city. Just like he had.